Support Your Friend Before Hysterectomy

In the days leading up to my hysterectomy, I was a nervous wreck. I babbled incessantly about all the things that could go wrong and all the what ifs. I had a total one-track mind, and friends and the hubster learned way more about my uterus than they ever really needed to know. But, you know what? They all listened, they all pretended each and every time that this was a new conversation... and it helped so much.

Talking the issues through helped me to realize that some of the fears were a bit unfounded and that some of the possible risks were worth the payoff. One friend in particular took a very analytical approach to my fears, helping me to take the anxiety from the abstract to the concrete. She'd say, "What, exactly, are you worried about?" When I told her I was afraid the anesthesia wouldn't work and I'd wake up during surgery, she pointed out that I've been under general anesthesia before with no complications. Sounds simple, but it really eased my mind.

If someone you love is facing hysterectomy, here are some tips:

*Listen, without fail.
*Use humor as appropriate, but do not mock her fears.
*Try to pinpoint the source of her fear. Specific issues are easier to deal with than general anxiety.
*Do research and help educate her on the likelihood of complications.
*Help her make plans for the post-op period. Preparation definitelys helps cut through anxiety.
*Take her mind off the surgery. The weekend before my surgery, a friend invited several women over for a girls' night. Take her out, spend time with her, do something fun!

More than anything else, just be there.

Don't Dismiss Her Hysterectomy Concerns

Right before my surgery, I told a friend that I was nervous. Her response? "It's a really common surgery!" Now, I'm sure she was trying to reassure, maybe trying to tell me that it's a routine procedure and there will be no complications. That's not how I took it, though! I felt dismissed, like she didn't care about my feelings at all. I felt minimized and pushed aside, like I should just dispose of my uterus and get over it already. Not a good feeling. The thing is, it's not common to me. This is my only uterus and, faulty or not, losing it was emotional.

So, if someone close to you is facing hysterectomy, don't wave away her worries. Especially for women still in their childbearing years, this is emotional stuff.

How to Help After Hysterectomy

I didn't realize just how good my friends were until I faced my surgery. I have no family and my husband's family is overseas, so surgery was an ultra-daunting prospect. I was scared to death that my husband would not be able to come to the hospital, that he would have to stay home with our kids instead. The day of surgery, two friends divided the hours, providing care and entertainment to our kids. They took care of the girls for hours each day so that hubby could visit me. After I returned home, another friend sent a housekeeper over to take care of cleaning! I have never felt so loved. It really allowed me to relax and focus on healing.

If you're looking for ways to help your friend, consider these:

*Cook freezable meals and bring over (casseroles are excellent for this)
*Offer to drive your friend places (she will not be able to drive for weeks)
*Drive her children to activities
*Offer to take the kids for a couple of hours so she can rest
*Provide "quiet activity kits" for her kids
*Offer to vacuum, mop, and sweep (she won't be able to stretch)
*Do her laundry
*Call her, visit her

Being There Before the Hysterectomy

If someone you know is having a hysterectomy, she might not know how to ask for help. Trust me, she needs help! There are so many ways you can help, it doesn't even have to be something major. Probably the biggest thing you can offer is your support. Hysterectomy is a big deal, and it can be frightening and highly emotional. Just being there, lending an ear and a shoulder, can be worth so much. Remember your friend is facing some fears that might seem illogical to you-- don't laugh! In the days leading up to my surgery, I had this horrible fear that I would remain alert and feeling during the procedure, and that the doctor wouldn't know! Sounds silly, I know now, but it kept me awake several nights in a row. Just be willing to listen and to reassure as needed...