If one more person tells me that I have three kids, I will scream. The implication is, of course, that I have kids, so I shouldn't care that I no longer have a uterus. It is so frustrating! Yes, I have kids. Yes, I'm thrilled about that. Yes, my family was probably complete. But, the possibility existed, the possibility of more children. Just knowing that I could dream about it... I could fantasize sometimes about having a son or another beautiful daughter... I could hold a baby and think, "someday..."
Now, I know there will never be another someday for me. My somedays are dead and gone, nothing but sweet memories, a precious time that passed so quickly. I'll never again snuggle an infant of my own, I'll never again experience the life-giving thrill of nursing my own flesh and blood. Never again...
Although people act like I'm nuts, that's a real loss for me and I'm mourning it. Faulty or not, that uterus nurtured and grew my daughters, and now it's gone. So, if one more person tells me, "So what if you lost your uterus? You weren't using it anyway!" I just might have to reply, "So, why don't you give up your heart? You clearly aren't using it!"
2 comments:
Thank you for your blog, and for this post in particular, Misty.
I'm having an LSH w/possible RSO in three days. I have a daughter, and we had no plans to have another child. But as you said, this uterus of mine grew that beautiful child.
I know this is the right decision, but it is still very, very hard and very, very emotional.
Hi,thankyou so much for this blog.Im a wife,and mother of two.I feel complete with my kids and family.Yet I feel like less of woman,guilt,and to old to soon after having my hysterectomy.I want to feel fertile and not be in constant mourning.I mourn over the finality of not being able to give birth anymore.Yet I do treasure the children I have.
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